Issue #51: February, 2010

Is My Child's Behavior Normal?

All parents wonder at times whether their child's behavior is normal. Children at every age exhibit embarrassing or frustrating behaviors: whining, tantrums, swearing, or bossiness. These behaviors test your patience and can leave you at your wit's end. As much as you love your children, their actions can sometimes make you feel uncomfortable and vulnerable to other people's criticisms.

Is This Behavior Normal?

It's tough to know which behaviors are "normal" without considering the context or intensity as well as each behavior itself. Behaviors may become "abnormal" if they last too long, if they consistently occur at the wrong time or place, or if they exceed acceptable limits.  Clearly, it is important to catch and change these behaviors early on.

The ages listed here are approximate guidelines. The behaviors listed occur most frequently but are not limited to these ages. Behaviors may reappear at any time, particularly in times of stress.

Responding To Your Child

Sometimes it seems that children resist every limit you set. The resistance and your response to it help them learn expectations and rules for getting along with others.  Although each child and situation is different, there are basic guidelines for dealing with troubling behaviors. First, keep your child and others safe. Stay close to help your child gain control of his behavior or to establish limits.

It may be effective to ignore certain behaviors such as whining or swearing when they first occur. Later, talk it over with your child. "Those words can hurt people's feelings and our family doesn't use them" or "Those are 'Grown Up Words' and you are a child so you may not use them".

Other behaviors may be better handled by redirection. "I know you're angry but I can't let you bang on the TV. You can hit this big pillow all you want". Redirection helps provide a solution for each of you.

Help your child face the consequences of his actions. This may be uncomfortable for your child but it is important to give him clear guidance and the opportunity to set things right. "Kevin, we need to take this candy back to the store and explain to the clerk that you didn't pay for it." Make it clear to your child that stealing the candy was unacceptable and that he must face the consequences.

So remember, there isn't just one 'right way' or magic formula for success.  Remain patient and hang in there when the going gets tough.  Keep your sense of humor about you.  Support your child, but be firm about your behavioral expectations.  If needed, talk with teachers, counselors, doctors and other parents for support, advice and suggestions. 

Parent Central Express is the monthly e-newsletter of Parent Central, a program dedicated to helping parents access information on children's issues and resources on parenting. Parent Central is a program of the National Association of Child Care Resource & Referral Agencies (NACCRRA).